Love.

Love. A word that is often misused and abused in today's society. We misconstrued love with lust and infatuation.

Love is something that cannot be defined. Numerous times, I have witnessed people enter a mindless relationship which lacks TRUE foundation. The so called foundation is primarily built on SEX. 

Sex is NOT Love

Saying, "I Love you" to another human being is now at the equivalent of telling another human being, "I like your shoes". No meaning and no substance. My point is that most use the word Love too loosely. 

I will never understand how one can tell someone, "I Love you", after only knowing them for a couple of weeks. Umm pardon my French but what in the f*ck is that? 

If someone asks you, "why do you Love Johnny?", and your answer is as follows, "Well he dresses well, he is so intelligent, he can dance, he has a nice car, oh and he is HOT!!!" I hate to burst your bubble but that is not Love, no. What you have just done is list a bunch of characteristics that you like about Johnny. I was once asked this same question,"Zas how do you know you are in Love with #OOMF (I will refer to him as oomf for the reason that I do not want to disclose his name)?" I responded, "IDK. I just do. The feeling that he gives me is unexplainable. I just do."

That is how you know. (This of course is my opinion) In all honesty if you are asked why you love someone and your answer revolves around listing the characteristics that your adore about your significant other/crush, that shit isn't Love. When you Love someone there is no explanation and a list is not needed. When you Love someone you just know; it’s in your heart. (if you cannot tell the difference between Love and Lust, perhaps you should self-evaluate) You might not understand what it is about them, but you do know that they make you happy and give you an indescribable feeling which brings you happiness and joy. That is DOPE Love!!!

The media often portrays an image of what Love is or what Love should look like between two individuals.

Love is an amazing thing. True Love. Love between all Loved ones is an amazing thing. The only way you can truly love another is to first LOVE YOURSELF. Self-worth! Confidence! Self-love!

DISCLAIMER:

The Love between two people in a serious relationship takes time to mold and formulate.  A solid foundation of honesty and trust and communication is necessary for this formulation to progress, as well as friendship. Meeting someone at the local bar/club, dating for a few weeks and then revealing "yo I Love you" is most definitely not the way to go. Love is not a new pair of shoes. It is not something that you give away when it gets old. No. It should be everlasting and genuine. Hence the word SHOULD.

Lust is NOT Love!

Never Giving Up

It has official been five months since my last paycheck came in the mail. This unemployed lifestyle is definitely not for me. Lately I have been consumed with so much anxiety due to my lack of income and unemployment status. Like any other Adult, I have bills to pay. “IF ONLY MONEY GREW ON TREES”!!!!!!!!! 

Revising my resume, sprucing up cover letters and avidly searching for employment opportunities on a daily basis has become a way of life for me. Charlotte, NC isn’t what I thought it would be. When I first came here in August 2011, I saw it as a land of opportunity. You’re probably wondering what the hell I have been doing for the past year. Well that isn’t important right now. Since as far back as I can remember I have always been a dreamer. I have this uncanny indescribable personality that seems to be contagious with all those that I come into contact with. As a child I had the utmost desire to be famous. Yes I know, “how cliché”, but it is true. At one point I was an aspiring singer! That didn’t end well. Then of course I considered acting or comedy; however, I don’t think I have the guts to fully commit myself to something that could possibly end up in failure. 

I guess you can say that is one of my biggest flaws. I have never been a risk taker; don’t get me wrong there were times when I was forced to take on such a different persona (the risk taker), but in all honesty that is not who I am. I was raised to be a realistic practical thinker and person. My mother taught me, Education is a resource and is a necessity. “Silver and gold will perish away, but a good education will never decay.”  My other flaw is failure. Perhaps that is not a flaw but a fear. There you go, yes, my biggest fear is failure. Often, my peers shower me with praises of how funny I am and how inspirational I can be. So as I sit here and ramble, I am posed with the ultimate question: What the hell do you want to do with your life? Here in the dirty south there aren’t as many opportunities as there are in Good ol’ NYC!!! (Disclaimer: I WAS BORN AND RAISED IN NYC AND moved here in august of 2011) I never thought I would say this but, I AM TIRED OF DRIVING EVERYWHERE. I miss the days when the metrocard was my lifeline and my only way of guaranteed transportation to any destination of my choice. 

I digress; the worst part about this unemployment thing is my analytical way of thinking. In my little world, success is not easily attained; however, if done correctly with hard work and consistency, one can accomplish anything! Now imagine you are me, 24 years of age, one year fresh out of college and without any source of income. Every single morning, waking up with a new batch of dreams but at the end of the day feeling a bit defeated. The unemployment rate in Charlotte, NC is the worst it has ever been in quite some time. A few months ago I attended a job fair here in Charlotte. As I pulled up, while listening to Heart of a Lion by Kid Cudi, I thought to myself, “oh wow that line doesn’t look half bad!” At first glance the line looked a bit short and scarce, which gave me some form of relief. Well, this perception drastically changed when I saw the 100+ folks lined up waiting eagerly to get their chance to go inside the Gymnasium to possibly acquire a job. You want to know something? I guarantee you that more than HALF of those decent hard working folks did not get a call back or any type of chance to prove how qualified/skilled they are.

 24 YEARS OF AGE, BACHELOR OF SCIENCE DEGREE IN BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION FROM A very prestigious college in Upstate NY, with the necessary skills and intellect that some of these companies need in order to build their company.

I can only imagine what some families in the “Greater Charlotte Area” are going through personally and financially. Like many recent college graduates, every single month I have the responsibility of paying back the money I “borrowed” in order to keep my ass in school. Where is the irony in this situation?

I see life as a game, and in this game called life if you want something you have to fight for it. If you have a dream you have to chase it. That saying, “when the going gets tough, the tough get going”, is nothing but truth. These past five months have taught me a lot about myself and have pushed me mentally. Every morning, I wake up and thank God for everything he has given me and ask him to give me strength so that I can live life in the way that he wants me to. With the personal obstacles that I have experienced thus far, I have to keep reassuring myself that everything will one day be okay. That is all we can do honestly. For all those people out there who are unemployed or/and can’t seem to catch a break, the only thing that we can do is hope for the best and have faith that things will change one day and pray to God. 

Courage. Courage is waking yourself up every morning and vigorously looking for a job, steadily chasing your dreams or finding a LEGAL way to provide for your family. Courage is taking both the good with the bad and making the most of what you have, while also remaining thankful and humble. 

Although, I am not impressed with the unemployment rate, (something seriously needs to be done. There are a lot of people suffering and no one seems to care or has serious plans to change such things. Without jobs there is no source of income. People will be less likely to purchase goods or services for the reason that they either DO NOT HAVE ANY EXTRA MONEY OR ANY MONEY AT ALL TO SPEND. In turn businesses will have to lower their prices in order to please consumers and will not receive any type of real profit. This then forces businesses, which provide goods or services to shut down, and might ultimately completely demolish this economy even more.-->Did you notice the business skills that I used here?? haha) 

I will continue to get up every single morning, apply to jobs and hope for the best. If I wanted to, I could have a huge melt down and go into a deep dark depression. However, that shit will not help me or my future endeavors. Loathing in self-pity as my friend Jay would say, will not get a person anywhere. All it does is provide distraction from the bigger picture….SUCCESS! The bumps that we encounter down the road to success are quite detrimental and can be emotionally draining. 

The ones who survive or persevere during these dark times are the ones who never give up on their dreams under any circumstances, never give up on themselves and have faith that one day things will get better. 

Someone once told me, “if you want it, go get it”. I will never forget this comment nor will I forget the person who once said these wise words to me. For everyone who reads this, I hope that I have brought you some type of inspiration. Hopefully you also think I have a gift for gab! (that was a joke LMAO) Anyways, just don’t give up, that is my message to whoever reads this. Giving up is so easy, it leaves you without a worry in the world and stuck at a stagnant. Remaining hopeful is not only adventurous but you never know where you might end up with a little perseverance, faith, hard work and regularity. 

Perhaps I am a “RISK TAKER” after all.

The journey towards Self-Discovery

"Finding your way is a journey. Even though it is not an easy one, it is well worth it." 

I once knew a woman who put on an act for the entire world to see. She, like many others, hid behind a mask which was painted in anger/regret/pain. Throughout her life, she never really grasped one of the many important factors of life. WHO AM I? With this loss of identity, loss of happiness and hope, lack of support and love, she became distant and her path towards self-discovery was at a stagnant.

Self-discovery and "knowing thyself" is something so essential that we all should live by. As each year passes, we get a deeper glimpse of who we are and who we are supposed to be. Obstacles and struggles tend to get in the way and distract us from the bigger picture. At times, self-reflection can be painful and might leave us revisiting a dark place that we do not wish to see. Ignoring the past and erasing memories is not healthy nor is it smart. The past is necessary in that it teaches us valuable lessons; lessons that are always learned. 

We as people go through many instances which formulate us into the people we are today, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. In the end we all have a choice to either embrace such hardships/achievements or make excuses.

Self-discovery. I think that the first step in self-discovery is asking yourself, what makes you happy? Some might think this is silly, however, a few months ago I was asked this question and could not answer it. We live in a world where society, the media...etc dictates to some degree how we live our lives. We often get wrapped up in the lives of others (friends, family, REALITY TELEVISION shows) that we forget about ourselves. 

The main focus is then revolved around these other people and not yourself. The focus then becomes, "how can I be better or as good as Sally? How can I be as fabulous as shandy? Look at what Sally has achieved. I want what Shandy/Sally has". 

"You can't please people" In reality, you really cannot please people nor should you be worried about pleasing another life. Our focus tends to drift and somehow we get lost. We get lost in all this hassle and become confused and lose sight of who we are.

Have you ever asked yourself: What do I stand for? Am I afraid of what others will think of me if I do......? Am I afraid that if I show who I really am, I will not be accepted? Do I do certain things primarily to receive attention from others? 

What in the hell does all this have to do with Self-Discovery you might be wondering to yourself. If you do things which are solely focused on pleasing others/receiving approval from others, unsure of what you stand for, afraid to formulate your opinions, have no idea of what makes you happy, well you might want to take some time and self reflect. Self-discovery is all about finding out who you are as a person. Finding your way in this world, finding out who you are is the most promising reward that you might ever receive in life. 

The young woman with whom I mentioned earlier was afraid to know who she was and quite frankly did not know how to surpass her past. Her daily life was centered around her hurt and pain and she lost sight of her future/herself. She never really embraced who she was as a person, did not want to face her past, did not want to know who she truly was for the simple fact that her main focus lied on the following factor: hurt and pain. 

Sometimes I think she lived in fear that she was alone and that none of her family members truly cared for her. The truth is, none of her family members knew how to deal with her pain/hurt or how to console her because they had emotional/coping issues as well.  I wish that I could have taken away all her pain, but sadly you cannot help people who do not want to help themselves. The trials and tribulations that she suffered throughout her lifetime were horrible and she did not deserve them. The one thing that she was never really taught or understood was love. Self-love is important and is necessary in life; "to love yourself is the beginning of a life long romance."

In conclusion readers, life can sometimes hand us some real crappy cards. In the end, the strongest survive. Those that can embraces their hardships and struggles are the ones that come out on top and make a difference. To know who you are, REALLY KNOW WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON, is simply amazing and is one journey that is not meant to be easy, however, in the end is well worth it.